Welcome Friend

Welcome Friend Just another frantic mama navigating the world of motherhood, wife life and all of the in-betweens.
I'm a boy mom and avid coffee drinker.
I love to cook, read + write.

did you really just say that?





I try really hard to be a nice person. Not that I'm not already, it's more of just remembering that some things are better left unsaid + the old adage - if you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything at all. 

Becoming a mom both tamed my tongue but also brought forward the most ridiculous comments/questions I've ever heard. Sometimes I just look at people with RBF. Others I am nicer + just respond. Let's see: 

"you know he needs a sibling soon, right?"
Oh, really? I just thought that I could get him a popsicle stick + he'd be happy. 

"are you trying for number two yet?" 
meh. we're skipping 2 and getting 5. thanks for asking. 

"when are you trying for the next one?" 
When the first sun meets the eighth moon under the stars of Andromeda and the Star Spangled Banner. 

"are you trying for a girl?"
Nope. A pterodactyl actually. We think it will add to our dynamic as a family. 
What do you say? 

"what are you?"
I'm part alien, 1/3 t-rex, 22% whale +.75 seagull. 

"No, I mean like, where are you from?" 
Well, shit. We're going there, aren't we... 
We'll part of me came from my dad... the other part from my mom. But since we're getting technical, my mom's vagina  (sorry mom) is where I came from. Whaddya know?!

"are you afraid that since you're staying home with him, he won't know how to behave with other people/children?"
First of all, thank you for questioning my parenting. You can't get anything friendlier than that. You da best. And no, I'm actually really excited for Xander to charge into people like he's a rhinoceros we've been practicing for months now. 

"you know you're going to miss this age right?" 
No way! I actually didn't know that. 

"does he sleep through the night?"
Nope. He Glides, Gracefully. 

"Oh but he's so tiny for his age? hopefully, he has a growth spurt." 
"there's no way he's 16 months old, he's too small." 
"Oh, I thought he was younger than that! He's so tiny." 

Fuck, you caught me. I'm teaching him how to lie about his age so he can be the shortest and youngest of his classes and graduate college at 6. 
Completely disregard the fact that I'm quite literally only 30 inches taller than my 16 month old. 

"Do you feed him?" 
Nope. We're teaching him self-sufficiency - unless he finds it, he's not eating. 
Literally, a joke... of course I feed my child. 

"Did you even try to breastfeed him?"
I stopped responding to these. 

Finally, my favorite.. that I, too, was guilty of until I became a parent. 

"Enjoy."


In retrospect, I knew my intentions were well-meaning just like those who tell new parents of a screaming mandrake. But if I knew what I knew today, I'd judo chop myself in the throat for being such an asshole. 

It's hard to enjoy them ALL the time. There is no such thing. They are truly the most testing obstacle an adult with go through. From the lack of sleep to the constant wakings, to opening up the fourth food pouch because he wants that one only for him to not eat it. They will scream for a reason and scream six times harder for no reason. They will scale the wall unit and scream for help because well, they can't get the fuck down and how dare you not tell them for the 8th time that they just can't do that. 

That is NOT to say I don't enjoy motherhood. It is my biggest accomplishment. It is what I've dreamed of doing, and I will NEVER take it for granted but for the love of all that is holy... it is NOT easy, and it isn't something to enjoy every second of. 

What are some of the things you've heard as a parent? 


37 comments

  1. Girllll these are so true that it's almost not funny. Almost ;)

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  2. I have heard most all of these as a mom, but the are you trying for a girl just infuriates me. I have two boys and I tell people I got "fixed" after my second son because we didn't want anymore children. Even still the same people continue to ask me the same question!

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  3. I have heard pretty much all of these as well. I think the most surprising comments were when I was pregnant. People comment on how big or not big you are. What ailments you do or do not have ugh.

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  4. Even worse is when you are having trouble getting pregnant, those questions are too hard to bear.

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  5. I've heard SO many of these! Crazy!

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  6. These made me laugh so hard! Not a parent but I will never understand why people ask such stupid questions! thanks for sharing your thoughts!

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  7. Oh my gosh it's like you're in my brain or something! Ha!

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  8. That's so funny. I don't have any kids, so I'm pretty sure I would've said some of these things myself! Will have to be more careful. ;)

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  9. These are hilarious! I have a 4 and 7 year old and am always cracking up!

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  10. These are hilarious! I find it funny yet sad that you had to put a disclaimer that you do, in fact, feed your child.

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  11. I'm a new mommy and I've heard many of these too many times hahah! The two that get me are "is she sleeping through the night?" and the staying at home one. There needs to be more understanding about how babies are different, and that stay-at-home motherhood/homeschooling can be more enriching!

    http://www.livingfreeindeed.com

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  12. Oh my goodness...I like to think that people mean well, but they really don't think much before making comments, especially when it comes to pregnancy and babies.

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  13. I always got, "You're STILL breastfeeding?" What we do as parents is up to us, and no one else. :)

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  14. I do enjoy it! Not every minute of course, but I do. And I don't mind reminders from others to do so. Because it's usually accompanied by a wistful look, remembering when their own grown children loved and needed them that way, or dwelling on the child that they were never blessed with. I am very, very lucky.

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  15. Oh my goodness, I think you just won the internet! This was hilarious! I laughed so hard that I cried a little. I need to remember the response for having another child!

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  16. We got the snip so they would stop asking about another baby! lol

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  17. I seriously giggled reading through these! I don't have kids yet, but have heard some of these audacious things being said to my sister and sister in law who each have three kids!! some people amaze me with what they let slip out of their mouths lol!

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  18. At least you made these sad comments into a funny piece. I can't believe people would say these things to you. Your sense of humor about it all is great. You had to suffer but we get a good chuckle. Thanks for that.

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  19. Ok, you are hilarious! I was giggling throughout! The question that peeves me the most is whether or not I was breastfeeding. Why? Because that's no one's business!!

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  20. Haha some people really should think before they speak - or get a gag! I know comments like the ones above aren't meant nastily but people really should give their words more thought!

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  21. Sometimes I think people are just trying to make conversation and not realizing how rude they sound.

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  22. Lol. People can be so rude. You portrayed everything with humor.

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  23. Enjoyed your post. At some point of time I have heard it all and felt exactly the way you did. I thought it happens only in the developing society where people don't know how to respect each other's privacy

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  24. LOL, these comments are hilarious (because they're so ridiculous)! I'm not a mom, but I know questions like these will come when I finally have kids!

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  25. These are all soooooo true, like legit. We went through fertility treatment and would always hear things like.. "You know you dont get pregnant when you are trying that hard" ???

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  26. LOL, I am guilty of such small talk as well. I've been trying to go against the grain though

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  27. people can be so ridiculous sometimes!

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  28. OMG people are the absolute WORST. Like, if they can't be kind they need to not say a word. and my favorite -- A pterodactyl - DYING!! haha

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  29. I really can't understand why people have to resort to offensive comments. We get it you know. No need to shove it.

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  30. This post has just made my day! I couldn't stop laughing at some of the answers to those typical comments people make. I love your style of writing and it just rings so true. Thank you for brightening my day.

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  31. Sometimes people just don't think. I don't let things like this bother me. Anymore.

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  32. This is so funny, and so true!

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  33. No kiddos yet, but most of my friends have lamented over these kinds of comments as well.

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  34. Haha, this is hilarious. I don't have kids, but I have heard my friends lament about the very things you mention here!

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  35. I think one must think before they say something.
    Also would like to say something not related to the post, loved your theme :)

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