I try really hard to be a nice person. Not that I'm not already, it's more of just remembering that some things are better left unsaid + the old adage - if you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything at all.
Becoming a mom both tamed my tongue but also brought forward the most ridiculous comments/questions I've ever heard. Sometimes I just look at people with RBF. Others I am nicer + just respond. Let's see:
"you know he needs a sibling soon, right?"
Oh, really? I just thought that I could get him a popsicle stick + he'd be happy.
"are you trying for number two yet?"
meh. we're skipping 2 and getting 5. thanks for asking.
"when are you trying for the next one?"
When the first sun meets the eighth moon under the stars of Andromeda and the Star Spangled Banner.
"are you trying for a girl?"
Nope. A pterodactyl actually. We think it will add to our dynamic as a family.
What do you say?
"what are you?"
I'm part alien, 1/3 t-rex, 22% whale +.75 seagull.
"No, I mean like, where are you from?"
Well, shit. We're going there, aren't we...
We'll part of me came from my dad... the other part from my mom. But since we're getting technical, my mom's vagina (sorry mom) is where I came from. Whaddya know?!
"are you afraid that since you're staying home with him, he won't know how to behave with other people/children?"
First of all, thank you for questioning my parenting. You can't get anything friendlier than that. You da best. And no, I'm actually really excited for Xander to charge into people like he's a rhinoceros we've been practicing for months now.
"you know you're going to miss this age right?"
No way! I actually didn't know that.
"does he sleep through the night?"
Nope. He Glides, Gracefully.
"Oh but he's so tiny for his age? hopefully, he has a growth spurt."
"there's no way he's 16 months old, he's too small."
"Oh, I thought he was younger than that! He's so tiny."
Fuck, you caught me. I'm teaching him how to lie about his age so he can be the shortest and youngest of his classes and graduate college at 6.
Completely disregard the fact that I'm quite literally only 30 inches taller than my 16 month old.
"Do you feed him?"
Nope. We're teaching him self-sufficiency - unless he finds it, he's not eating.
Literally, a joke... of course I feed my child.
"Did you even try to breastfeed him?"
I stopped responding to these.
Finally, my favorite.. that I, too, was guilty of until I became a parent.
In retrospect, I knew my intentions were well-meaning just like those who tell new parents of a screaming mandrake. But if I knew what I knew today, I'd judo chop myself in the throat for being such an asshole.
It's hard to enjoy them ALL the time. There is no such thing. They are truly the most testing obstacle an adult with go through. From the lack of sleep to the constant wakings, to opening up the fourth food pouch because he wants that one only for him to not eat it. They will scream for a reason and scream six times harder for no reason. They will scale the wall unit and scream for help because well, they can't get the fuck down and how dare you not tell them for the 8th time that they just can't do that.
That is NOT to say I don't enjoy motherhood. It is my biggest accomplishment. It is what I've dreamed of doing, and I will NEVER take it for granted but for the love of all that is holy... it is NOT easy, and it isn't something to enjoy every second of.
What are some of the things you've heard as a parent?